woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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