I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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