I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
