whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
