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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (631): View more from New York

  im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.

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• (951): View more from California

  I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  soo... how was my night?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?

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