I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
