A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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