You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
