do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
