You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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