you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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