Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
