need another drink. this is the easiest way
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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