why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
