Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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