Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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