just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
