I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
