my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
