I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
