My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
