I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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