Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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