Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
