Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
