Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
