We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
