at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
