My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
