Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
