The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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