i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
