Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
