Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
