But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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