You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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