This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
