I look better un-naked...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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