i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My feet surprised me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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