Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
