Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
