I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
