isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
