It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
