i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
