my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
MIDGETS
????
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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