matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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