Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
