He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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