I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize