Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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