I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
