I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
