You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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