Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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