Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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