We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
