i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
