I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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