I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
