Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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