need another drink. this is the easiest way
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
