so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
