On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
