Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
