awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
