I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Enjoy the penises
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.