I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
