You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
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that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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