God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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